


Hold Me

by J93



Series: Attack on Titan Fics: Armin x Sasha [AruSasha] [11]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 08:12:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15432747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J93/pseuds/J93
Summary: AruSasha Ship Week 2018 Day 3: Hurt & Comfort/Angst & FluffFollowing the surprise attack in Liberio, Armin tries to reconcile his choices.





	Hold Me

“It’ll take them a while to catch up with us.” Commander Zoe informed them in the briefing. “And when they do, we’ll be ready. In the meantime rest. You all deserve it. Dismiss.”

Everyone dispersed. Eren lay down and as always Mikasa sat and comforted him. She put his head against her chest and whispered in his ear. His nightmares had been getting worse and with only one year left Eren Yeager had to endure if this was to be the only way to defeat Marley and gain their freedom.

Jean and Connie scuffled their cards and were about to dish them out. Sasha stood aside and was looking around.

“You in Sash?” Connie asked, shaking his deal with a strained smile.

“Not right now Con.” She kept looking and finally turned to the two men. “Have any of you seen Armin?”

“I think he’s with Hange and the others at the back,” Jean stated in a matter-of-fact manner. He looked the most tired, on par with Eren. This entire mission had everyone running through the ringer. In Eren’s sudden absence, Jean was given command of the Squad and now his long hair looked greasy and his stubble prickly.

“Actually I think he’s in his corner,” Connie added as he straightened his deal and spread them to give a proper look. He looked over into nothingness and said out-loud; “He’s been going there a lot lately.” His attention went back to the cards and Jean started their game.

“Thanks, Con.”

Sasha knew what he meant. Armin had sat in this specific corner whenever he wanted some time alone. He never talked much to Sasha whenever she visited him, only stared at the wall and mumbled some incoherent jabber. She wanted to stay with him many times but she knew it would not do either them any good. Instead, Sasha sat with the boys for a game or three and sometimes spoke to Mikasa.

But over her shoulder, she watched. Her eyes stayed sharp and her ears open for Armin, hoping this time he would come out. A game of cards, a chat with old friends and ask for a favor, anything. To no one’s surprise, that moment never came to pass.

She saw him in the usual position with his back leaning against the crate and staring at the crate.

She leaned inward, “Armin?” He made no sound or movement. She hated that. She said his name again and poked his arm. His head did a slow turn at her. His eyes were blank. His cheeks were soaked and his breath came out in short sharp bursts.

Before she did anything, he rapidly grabbed her wrist. It didn’t hurt - he had no grip. She touched his hand and he caught his breath.

“Oh, hey Sash.” He said breathlessly like he was back in training. He dried his eyes and sniffed. “How long-”

“Long enough.”

His mouth became an ‘o’ shape. It shut and he resumed at staring at the wall as if nothing had been revealed. Sasha sat next to him.

“Armin, tell me what it is.” His head lowered to his chest. “You can’t hide from me. I know when something is bothering you and I know when you lie so don’t tell me its nothing. Please Armin,” she grabbed his shoulder “I want to help you.”

His eyes and fists clenched up. “I… I’ve been having these thoughts that aren’t mine.” His eyes opened. “They started before the mission and I can’t make them stop. I th-think they may be Bertolt’s. It sounds like him and… they're not telling me anything but it’s like peeking into someone else’s mind. You understand?” Sasha nodded. “And today, when-” his body curled up into a fetal position. “When I transformed I took out an entire naval fleet. All those ships were blasted in the air and toward land. Toward people. Innocent people.”

Sasha rubbed his shoulders as he began to shake. She saw the wreckage of the Marley armada stretch for miles when they retreated in the zeppelin. The causalities and death toll was larger than anyone had ever seen. Thirty minutes of this were seen before they even reached the empty ocean.

“I walked over those houses.” Armin continued. “Flattened every one and anything I stepped on. I-I saw one child in his home… and I crushed him.” He hides behind his knees. “I couldn’t stop myself.” He cried. “For once, I understood Bertolt. It’s all ants and insects. Ants and insects…”

“Armin, I know it must be hard on you this whole thing. I can’t understand it and won’t try to but I know one thing - this is war, and war has casualties on all sides.”

“But those people… I killed them. It's like that woman that tried to kill Jean all over again but a thousand times worse! My hands will never clean-”

“No hands are clean in war, Armin. Not if you want to win and be free.”

Armin hissed and lolled his head from side to side. Eventually, he stopped and quietened down. She kissed his cheek and stroked his hair. It was not as nice as his long hair but she was getting used to its shorter form. He said the same about hers a while back and now they don’t complain as much.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” she whispered into his ear.

Without looking he made his request; “Hold me.”

She put her arm around him and let his head fall in the crook of her neck. He swallowed and still without making any eye contact, he let her lower his head on her lap and begin stroking his cheeks until he fell asleep.


End file.
